One parenting strategy I learned quite early is to love all your children equally irrespective of their skills and attitudes. A public show of affection one child over the other is a recipe for conflict and confusion. No matter how difficult one child is in comparison to the other(s), parents should be intentional about making all the children feel loved. Imagine showing more affection for other children and less affection for some, the result is hatred and mistrust. Every child deserves to be loved and irrespective of their flaws, parents should be intentional about making them feel loved. Afterall, when the parents pass away without intentionally working to bring peace in the family, they leave behind a baggage of mess and brokenness. The children tend to continue the circle of selective love and end up hating each other for no reason. Rebekah and Isaac were culprits of “Parenting gone wrong.” They publicly showed their preference for one child over the other. Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob. (Genesis 25:28) Esau and his brother had different personalities. When they grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents (Genesis 25:27). The two children had different preferences and this is not new. No two people including twins are ever the same. Now this is where the parents got it wrong: “Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob” (Genesis 25:28). Isaac’s love for Esau was based on his taste for wild game but Rebekah just loved Jacob. Now let’s decipher this deeper looking at the other background variables. First, Esau being the first child legally had the birthright and was the heir to Isaac. Rebekah had been told by God that the younger child would be the head over the elder. Jacob being the youngest was also the “mummy’s boy type” who was content to stay home. Could any of these variables trigger the parents’ love? Although Esau foolishly gave away his birthright for a pot of stew, Isaac still considered him as the firstborn and as such worthy of all the blessings that comes to the firstborn son. To add more insult to injury, Rebekah and Isaac had to deal with Esau’s choice of wife and the consequences of it. Remember, Abraham had gone to his family to get a wife for Isaac but, “when Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:34-35). Esau definitely did not follow the family tradition of choosing a wife and his actions brought grief to his parents. Ultimately, Rebekah had more issues with Esau and considering all the background information, Rebekah was ready to make sure that Esau wouldn’t enjoy the blessings of the firstborn. Does it really matter to show unconditional love to your children irrespective of their flaws? The truth is it really matters. Just as God so loved us with all our flaws and weaknesses, as parents, we need to be intentional about demonstrating love to our children. Esau might have had enough reasons to be the hated one, but he deserved love and affection from his mother. Isaac might love wild game but Jacob needed all the love of his father. The consequences of these preferences set the stage for a big drama in the future that led the twins to be on loggerheads. Rebekah might have genuinely expressed her feelings based on both interests and prophesy, but the path she took with Isaac (to love one child over the other) is wrong. What if Isaac receives a fake wild game from Jacob who pretends to be Esau? What if Esau decides to stay in the tent and to marry a woman who will please the parents, will Rebekah’s decision to love him less change? Before you begin a permanent feud among your children through public display of love for one and hatred for another, read the consequences of the actions of Rebekah and Isaac in Genesis 27. We shall look at that in our next post. Big tip: Parents should love all their children equally irrespective of their flaws. Never show favouritism and hatred. These two are a recipe for conflict and confusion.
top of page
bottom of page
Comments