One of the causes of marriage breakdown in Sub-Saharan Africa is parental involvement. I believe this is experienced in other continents as well. Parents play major roles in the upbringing of their children. Most children receive both physical and spiritual training from their parents. The Bible admonishes children to be obedient to their parents (Ephesians 6:1). Older women are admonished to mentor the younger ones into godly marriages (Titus 2:3-5). Generally, mentoring and discipleship runs throughout scripture. However, there is a difference between marriage mentoring/discipleship and invading someone’s home with what you think should be done. Adam and Eve, escaped the infiltration of parental involvement in their marriage because neither had a mother or a father. Adam couldn’t compare Eve to his mum and Eve never had the opportunity to compare Adam to her dad. That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24) As much as we love, honour, respect and appreciate our parents, when we marry, we make a decision to leave their coverage, and to cleave to our spouses. In Genesis 2:24, the author made a profound statement: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). The parent-child relation is the highest depiction of love. We are the children of God. Jesus is God’s begotten Son. The principle of leaving and cleaving does not imply abandonment. It shows the deep connection between the husband and the wife. The principle of leaving and cleaving does not necessarily mean the couple move to a different location, it is a sense of preference and priority. Your marital home is your first home, your first ministry and your topmost priority. When we have a better understanding of the principle of leaving and cleaving, we will work together as married couples to ensure that our homes become our first priority. Our beloved parents will never leave our lives and we are to accord them the needed respect, love and assistance. However, we should open up to our spouses and share our deepest thoughts with them. Your parents should not be your first point of call when you have not discussed with your spouse. Decisions in marital homes should be made by the couple, not their parents. Choices such as where to live, number of children to have, naming the children, kind of food to prepare at home should be decided by the couple. If your parents are more skillful at something than your spouse, help your spouse to learn that skill. Never compare or call your parents to come and take over responsibility of your home because the other party is not able to. If you still receive instructions from your parents to run your home, you have not left yet. I recommend our book on marriage for those who are married and want to learn more about the institution. I also recommend our book on principles of choosing the right partner for those yet to marry. In this book, we discuss ways to resolve conflicts between parents and children in the area of marriage.
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